I'm giving you a no-honk guarantee.

At least, I'm not going to be tugging at your heartstrings today. I'm not in the mood.

I spent the night on the couch last night, happily watching TV while my brain melted. I needed such a night. I was tired.

The really, really good news is there was absolutely no heartburn this morning. No waking up at 3:30 or stuff like that. So, do you think it stemmed from not eating spicy foods last night, or not partaking in a beer?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

I apologize, as I seem to be having a Mike Myers morning. It's a little odd. What's next, making references to the Cat in the Hat? I, being the weird ass that I am, prefer the original book.

This is going to lead into a rant. I can feel it coming.

So, it took me until the 49th link on google to get the link to the book. This really pissed me off. Is it always necessary for a person's childhood to become so shallow and be replaced by the newest, latest thing? I mean, what's next, Hollywood? Paris Hilton plays Scout in the all-new To Kill a Mockingbird? Angelina Jolie is Mary Poppins? How about Madonna as Eva Peron? Oh, sorry, that's already happened.

Join me, my friends, on the Oscar day, in not giving a crap. Try it on for size. It'll feel good.