Dave Ahrens drank his Schlitz in a can.

So, Joey gave us all assignments to write a folk song where we were the focus of the song. Of course, I am extremely fond of "Weird Al"-ifying songs, and do so quite literally on a daily basis, so I was more than happy to accept such a wonderful challenge. The problem I encountered was: which song do I use?

After deliberating and making several attempts at several songs(including a rather promising version of the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald), I settled on this:

Dave Ahrens was a little boy,
'Bigger than the palm of your hand,
'Time that boy, he was nine years old
Drinking Schlitz from a can
Drinking Schlitz from a can

Dave Ahrens was a little boy,
Sitting on his granny's knee,
He picked up a Schlitz in that little tiny can:
"Schlitz’s gonna be the beer for me,
Schlitz’s gonna be the beer of me."

Dave Ahrens said to the barman, yeah,
"Man, you ought to see me drink
Love to pull that cold can's ring,
Love to pull that cold can's ring."

Dave Ahrens said to the barman, yeah,
"A man ain't nothing but a man,
But before you pull that tap on down,
I wanna drink my Schlitz from a can,
Drink my Schlitz from a can."

Barman said to Dave Ahrens, yeah,
"This cooler is caving in,"
Dave Ahrens said, "Oh barman, yeah,
'Just my Schlitz can pouring in,
'Just my Schlitz can pouring in."

Dave Ahrens drank from noon until five,
Schlitz cans were by his side,
He drank those Schlitz cans down,
He paid up bar tabrtab, Lord, he paid,
Paid up bar tabrtab, Lord, he paid.

That took Dave Ahrens to his bedroom,
Laid himself down for a nap as he can,
'Time a fratboy passed by,
Says, "There lies a Schlitz drinking man,
There lies a Schlitz drinking man.
There lies a Schlitz drinking man.
There lies a Schlitz drinking man."

It is, of course, sung to the song of "John Henry was a Steel Driving Man."

I'm so proud of myself, I've teared up.

*sniffle*