Run Hamster, Run!

It's not hard. Just move your little legs and feet really fast, and the wheel will go.

My last customer almost got the following conversation out of me(his responses will be approximated as best as I can):

Me: Sir, you've probably been trading for years, right? Calling in orders and such.
Customer: Yes.
Me: Ok. Let me ask you this. Do you know how to drive a tractor?
Customer: Well, yes, I learned when I was a child.
Me: And you can drive a car as well, right?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Ok, so when you were learning how to drive a car, you didn't just hop in and start going, you had some practice with a parent, maybe some classes, that kind of thing right?
Customer: Yes, that's how it went, driving a car is different from driving a tractor.
Me: Ok, so logically, maybe you should take a class on using a computer before you switch to online trading- a nice night class at the Community College or something, so you're better prepared for trading online.
Customer: Really?
Me: Either that, or go back to driving a tractor.

I should've prefaced this with the fact that I do know how to drive a tractor. My grandfather taught me when I was in my early 20's. It's different enough to make it unsafe to not have coaching. Although I could have eventually figured it out, I definitely needed the coaching, especially since the accelerator isn't anywhere near where you'd expect it.

Sorry. I get mad sometimes. Usually when I deal with someone who doesn't listen to the directions I give them, and they don't know jack about running a computer.