Monday, July 18, 2005

These Dreams

These dreams go on when I close my eyes

Last night, I dreamt I was at my grandparents' farm, with my whole family. I was walking from the machine shed to the garage, when I was struck by lightning. Not once, but twice, and yes, it was in the same spot. The first bolt went down from my right shoulder to my left foot. The second bolt struck my left thigh, and went out my left foot. After both strikes, I was knocked out, and woke up in one of the the upstairs bedrooms in my grandparents' house. I rolled over, and the paramedics were asking me if I was ok. I rolled over and groaned. I was very badly hurt, but I didn't know how badly hurt. All I really knew was that my knee was in extreme pain.

Every second of the night I live another life

I rolled over to the right, and the covers fell off my body, revealing the damage the second bolt had done- the outer part of my thigh had exploded- leaving what looked like a slab cut out of my leg. One of the paramedics vomited, the other, much calmer, said, "it's going to be ok. We can fix this."

These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside

I was bandaged, taken to the hospital, and there was surgery done. My aunt, who used to work for an orthopedic surgeon, was there with me the whole time, but I was asleep (I prefer to be out for my knee surgeries, I think they'd freak me out if I were awake). I woke up later on, again at my grandparents' house. My aunt was there, and told me to keep calm. I was woozy and weak and very confused. I looked at my leg, and there was a huge bandage there, but not going around my leg. It was wedged into the wound left from the "explosion."

Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away

That's about when I woke up, weirded out. I had a real bitch of a time falling asleep last night (probably had something to do with staying out way too late on Saturday) and when I finally did fall asleep, this weirdness, this out of control dream, happened. As you know, dear reader, I am fully capable of lucid dreaming, but this whole weekend, I was unable to do it.

Allow me to digress further into my mind, to Sunday morning's doozy.

There's something out there I can't resist

My ex-girlfriend (I'm not revealing her identity) and I are moving into a boarding school. We're sharing a room, but we're going to have separate beds, but only one is there at this time. As we unpack, we discuss the sleeping arrangements, and decide that it's ok if we share a bed. There's a knock on the door. The person there is a hybrid of a friend of mine from High School, BP, and the friend that the lightbulb tattoo is for, KP.
He comes in, we talk briefly. He's worried about some bullies around the school. He feels threatened. I tell him it'll be ok, that he should go to his room and wait, and I'll take care of somethings and meet him there in an hour.

I need to hide away from the pain

A few hours later, no one had seen him. We got worried, and decided to do some detective work on our own, as the school's authorities weren't doing anything. We searched, asked friends and acquaintences, got a couple leads, and followed them. My ex and I split up, figuring we could follow leads better that way.

There's something out there I can't resist

Eventually, we were in the gymnasium, both of us had climbed up some risers which reached 2 stories up. We got to the top, and I looked through the crack, and tried to get some light down there so I could see. Squinting, I saw something down there, amongst a lot of trash. I pulled really hard on the risers, pushing against the wall with my feet, and they gave way about 2 feet, and then I saw my friends lifeless body fall down deeper into the pile of refuse.

The sweetest song is silence that I've ever heard

As you might have guessed, I was wide awake after that. I wasn't lucid dreaming again. I was frustrated. Needless to say, with two nights in a row of this kind of thing, what the hell is going on deep inside my brain? Why can't I take control of these dreams anymore?

The answers, my friends aren't blowing the wind. They're somewhere in me. I think that practice makes perfect, and I've been a little lax in my lucid dreaming, so I'm going to work on that, starting today. As far as what's going on with these crazy images in my head, well, let's just say I'm going to devote some though that way, too.


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