Thursday, August 11, 2005

Doctor's office shocker.

Let's recap my latest trip to my GP to talk about my high cholesterol.

5:16- I lock my bike to a parking meter outside his office.
5:17- I enter his office, check in, and take a seat.
5:21- His PA takes me to an exam room, takes my blood pressure. Results: 122/82.
5:58- My doctor finally arrives. He sits down, checks over the chart, and we get to talking about the results. He's happy with a couple numbers, not happy with the LDL. We talk about medications, side effects, friends of his on blood thinners, the history of cholesterol medications, and exercise. I'm attempting to injest all this data, and I'm admittedly over my head- on a mild case of overload.
6:32- He exits the room, I'm presuming to get the appointment book so we can schedule our next appointment, but he doesn't. He heads back to his office. I follow. He asks casually if I'm in a hurry, I answer that I'm not, I was just following him. He says, good, because I've got something for you to read, and I really need a cigarette.

Really need a cigarette. I figure he's going to go out back, in the alley or something. Nope. Right there in his Oak paneled office, at his big Oak desk is an ashtray, and 3 opened packs of Parliament Lights. I take a seat on the big leather sofa and have a flashback to Red talking about the Cake song she loves so much. I shake it off, and my doctor lights up, then has a seat in the recliner next to the sofa. We continue, basically chit-chatting. He's trying to give me advice as to how to lower my LDL levels, and it's basically the same thing that we've been talking about for the last year.

6:58- Our conversation seems to finally be over. We've decided not to do the meds, largely because I balked at the side effects. He's had two cigarettes, and started a third, and I'm wanting to get on my way. A whole slew of information has been crammed into my head, and I need to eat dinner. I head home, relieved that I'm not going to start taking more pills. I'm also excited about starting more cardio workouts, and doing my best to lose a little weight around the middle. Mostly, I want to start playing basketball again, maybe even get back into volleyball again.

The end results: cut back on the boozin', eat right, try to lose a little weight, and exercise.

Sorry to disappoint those of you expecting a Shyamalan-esque twist at the end, but there isn't one.


Blogger The Redhead said...

Your fucking doctor. Fucking smoked. Fucking in front of you.

What an asshole. I hope you stuck your chewed Trident to the underside of the sofa.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Henry said...

I'm not sure about doctors, but nurses really beat on their bodies. My roommate is one and the people he works with drink a lot, smoke a lot, and are generally chemically enhanced. Then again, doing that in front of a patient is pretty bad.

4:31 PM  
Blogger cynthia said...

did the doc mention impotence as a potential side effect? i once dated a guy who was on those meds and had, uh, a problem.

5:36 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

Next time I have an appointment with him, I think I'll have him come to the Globe, so we can have a couple pints, too.

A very strange experience, to say the least, and no, he never mentioned impotence. Mandy Patinkin wouldn't hide that from me, would he?

2:53 PM  

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