If I had a million dollars

I don't, but my office lottery pool managed to win $5 in yesterday's Mega Millions. My pants pockets, however, seem to be cash cows.

This morning, with my hangover and general sleep deprivation that follows every Tuesday pub quiz, I put on a pair of pants and reached in the pocket. Lo and behold, there was a dollar. I was rather pleased with this, as I've been running low on cash lately. Too many bills, too little time.

I decided moments later not to wear that pair of pants and put on another. I reached in the pocket. Lo and behold, there was $12. I smiled, chuckled, and thanked my lucky stars- all this and today is payday, too!

Only $999,987 to go!