How I Met Your Mother

I've had a busy weekend. Yesterday, I had a bike ride in the morning, followed by a charity bowl-a-thon with the Assassin's work (which featured the classic quote "you must be Dave- you're wearing the Homer shirt."). I'd like to say I fought the good fight, but I did not bowl very well. I blamed being sober and the sun being up. These are two things I don't usually associate with a fun activity like bowling.

After bowling I dropped the Assassin off at her cousin's house and drove her car to my house so I could get some things done. Besides, I had just spend the afternoon meeting all her co-workers. I wasn't really in the mood to meet the extended family. At least, not right then. A couple hours later I got a call. "I'm on my way to your house, and we need to go to the grocery store."

I was aware of that part of the plan, and more than ready for it. "No problem."

"Oh, and I need you to drive. There was vodka at my cousin's house."

"No problem."

"And then we're going to go to my house so I can make mango pico de gallo and you're going to meet my mother."

I'm not usually short for words, but I was stopped dead in my tracks. We've been intentionally avoiding the meeting of the parents, partially because we're both, as I call it, emotionally insulated. It took quite a while before we realized that we're both very serious about each other, an now that we're here, we're finally forced to address a couple issues. One of which, is me meeting her parents.

Now, back in the day, this used to happen fairly often, as I dated more seriously more often. Then for a while, there was a long-term relationship where one of the parents weren't supposed to know the nature of our relationship. Then there was a time where it seemed the people I was dating either had deceased parents or parents who lived in other states, and once, in another country. So, it is safe to say that yes, it has been a while since I've really had to go for parental approval.

"No problem."

"It'll just be a for a bit- besides I need you to distract her from the fact that I'm drunk."

I've noticed that when it comes to the Assassin's timetables, it is best to multiply whatever number she gives you by pi. That usually gives you a slightly better idea as to what time you're dealing with. So when she explained to me that it would only be for "about 10 or 15 minutes" I was ready for a good 50 minutes minimum of parental cross-examining. That's what I was ready for, not what I got.

A solid hour later, I had spent most of the time there just being myself, chatting with her mom, watching Emeril, being sent to the convenience store in her lobby, taking out trash, and just trying to be a helpful, nice guy. The Assassin even left us alone for a bit, and she asked me about where I was from. Not exactly the easiest question to answer, but I somehow impressed her with the number of cities and states, even provinces I have lived in in my life.

The assassin and I left for our party, and when we got there, I went outside with one of her friends to smoke. Well, I went out to talk while her friend smoked. We talked about meeting her mom, mostly, and then about our own problems with our parents which are in various levels of estrangement. I think that helped a lot. Or maybe it was the margarita I had. Maybe both.

I was invited to have lunch with mom today. Lunch included the Assassin's little sister and her boyfriend, both in their very early 20's. It was fun. It was Pakistani food. It was yummy.

Afterwards, I got the official review- "I like him, but he seems a little quiet."

Wait until she gets to know me.