Sunday, April 22, 2007

Refresher course

Yesterday was the nicest day in Chicago since sometime last October. Today is shaping up to be actually better than yesterday. I started out by going to my local CVS, as the Gatorade I had bought last year had white stuff floating in it, and that just didn't seem like a good thing, so I bought more. Now, I'm not sure how many of you shop at a CVS, but their extra care rewards system totally pisses me off. I never seem to remember to bring back the little receipt dealies to actually reap the rewards of spending more at my local drug store. I just don't, and well, I get ripped off. Nothing too harsh, but still, the principle is there. Yesterday, however, I hit the mega-jackpot or something, as you can see in the picture- just for perspective, that is my size 12 foot next to the receipt of doom that printed out for my 5 bottles of Gatorade, 3 packs of gum and glasses repair kit.

The wonderful weather, of course, means that it's time to get out and bike, which I did. I was so looking forward to really opening up on the new bike, which I did, but only a bit- top speed was only about 24 mph. The more aggravating statistic is that I got my first flat tire on my new bike at 9.8 miles. Nine point eight miles. I was mad, but fortunately for me, I always carry a spare tube and a nice CO2 pump. So, I set upon changing a flat tire at the corner of Lake Shore Drive and Monroe, being ogled by tourists heading to Navy Pier for a while. Until I noticed that things weren't quite fitting right. I got frustrated, and called a buddy, who wasn't at home. I then looked up and saw a sign- not quite like the burning bush, or the Bethlehem star, but a sign nonetheless. And lo, it said unto me "Bike Station 1/2 mile."

Quite literally, I thought I was saved. I was certain they would have repair guys that would help me get my tire fixed and re-inflated, as I had run out of CO2 in my pump.

I collected all my belongings and hoisted my bike onto my shoulder (fortunately, my new bike weighs about a much as a heavy bowling ball, so this wasn't a big deal) and hiked over to the McDonald's Cycle Center (nothing represents a greener, healthier Chicago quite like McDonald's!). Where incompetent helper #1 told me the repair guys weren't in, and that he had no tubes, except in a vending machine downstairs, but you'd need change to get anything out of there, but he didn't have a cash drawer, so he couldn't make any change. Much more competent helper #2 not only spent half his time correcting everything helper #1 said, but managed to not only do me a favor by finding a Presta valve adapter. So, about an hour after getting said flat, and after all the struggles, I was back on my bike, heading north to home, because I was just plain too pissed off to keep going. So, yesterday's ride, for those of you scoring at home, was 19.8 miles.

And, as always, I have complaints about the other users of the bike path, but I think I'll let Stephen Colbert do the talking for me: Just to warn everyone on this list- sometime this summer, I'm going to start taking pictures of you doing these idiotic things and I'm going to post them all over the internet. It'll be so much fun!

And just because I feel like it, here's a scary picture of my cat attacking my camera:

Saturday, April 14, 2007

I guess I should have known

by the way U parked your car sideways
That it wouldn't last
See, U're the kinda person that believes in makin' out once
Love 'em and leave 'em fast
I guess I must be dumb cuz U had a pocket full of horses
Trojan and some of them used
But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it all right
And U say - "What have I got 2 lose?"

And honey, I say Little Red Corvette
Baby, U're much 2 fast (Oh)
Little Red Corvette
U need a love that's gonna last

I guess I should've closed my eyes when U drove me 2 the place
Where your horses run free
Cuz I felt a little ill when I saw all the pictures
Of the jockeys that were there before me
Believe it or not, I started 2 worry
I wondered if I had enough class
But it was Saturday night, I guess that makes it all right
And U say - "Baby, have U got enough gas?"
Oh yeah!

Little Red Corvette
Baby, U're much 2 fast (Yes U are)
Little Red Corvette
U need 2 find a love that's gonna last (Oh, oh)

A body like yours oughta be in jail
Cuz it's on the verge of bein' obscene
Move over, baby, gimme the keys
I'm gonna try 2 tame your little red love machine

Little Red Corvette
Baby, U're much 2 fast
Little Red Corvette
Need 2 find a love that's gonna last, hey hey

Little Red Corvette
Honey, U got 2 slow down (Got 2 slow down)
Little Red Corvette
Cuz if U don't, U’re gonna run your little red corvette right inthe ground
(Little Red Corvette)
Right down 2 the ground (Honey, U got 2 slow down)
U, U, U got 2 slow down
(Little Red Corvette)
U're movin' much 2 fast, 2 fast
Need 2 find a love that's gonna last!

Girl, U got an ass like I never seen, ow!
And the ride...
I say the ride is so smooth, U must be a limousine

Ow!
Baby, U're much 2 fast
Little Red Corvette
U need a love, U need a love that's, uh, that's gonna last
(Little Red Corvette)
Babe, U got 2 slow down (U got 2 slow down)
Little Red Corvette
Cuz if U don't, cuz if U don't
U’re gonna run your body right into the ground (Right into theground)
Right into the ground (Right into the ground)
Right into the ground (Right into the ground)

Little Red Corvette, oh
Introducing my own Little Red Corvette, the Specialized Allez Elite, my newest bike. It may not be the bike I walked in to buy, but it is better than the one I was going to buy. She is so fast. I can't wait to take it out for a tour!

Oh, and the guy on the back of the Zamboni? That's Steve from the Jerry Springer Show. I just thought it was funny. The eye candy is just that, eye candy, and the Seiss is well, just the Seiss.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

So it goes.

You could count my age without using all ten fingers on your hands when I first picked up a copy of Slaughterhouse Five. I recall my father handing it to me with explicit instructions not to let anyone see me reading it- that is, he didn't want my teachers and classmates, etc, to catch on that I was reading a book that had such prolific uses of the word fuck in it.

Over the years, I've read every single one of his novels, and it is hard to find one that I don't already own (although there was a certain ex girlfriend who helped herself to a couple volumes and never returned them) not to mention the film adaptations of two of the three that I am aware of.

I've even toyed with the idea of trying to write a screenplay of one of his novels. I won't tell you which one, because a) I haven't actually written it and b) I've never written a screenplay, so I'm sure it would, frankly, suck.

Let me say this, as I have to start working now. Way back here, I wrote up a list of my heroes. After reviewing it now, I see that I completely forgot Mr. Vonnegut. This is shameful. This is misleading. This is incorrect.

We'll miss you, sir.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The CTA as Chicken Little

I don't know about any other Chicagoans, but for the last two days, now that we're in the full-swing of "CTA Hell," I've left the house earlier. Yesterday, about 30 minutes earlier than usual, today about 15 minutes earlier than usual. The end result is that I'm at my desk 35 minutes early yesterday, and 25 minutes today.

Now, I don't want to jinx anything, but c'mon- doesn't this seem like Chicken Little? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Ok, ok I get it.

A number of fans, well readers, actually, have been haikuing me (did I just create a verb?) because, well, my blog here has fallen on some neglected times. I'm aware of it, really, but haven't been really in a blogging mood. What's making it worse is feeling like I don't have time to do any blogging, and the feeling that all my writing efforts and skills are going into a) work and b) pub quiz.

Both of these things take up time.

Plus, let's face it, this blog was started, oh, four years ago to talking about the impending 30th birthday I had coming up back then. This Wednesday, for those of you scoring at home, will be my own and the Ginger Ninja's half birthday, I'm staring down the barrel of 34, she, well, a year less. What possible advice can I still give to someone who's about to turn 30? Nothing really, although if things keep going as well as they are now, I will be walking the Assassin through that milestone of silliness in a little more than a year.

But enough of my excuses. How about a haiku?

Logan's Dave returns
Kilteoke and Guinness
Make me quite happy.

Maybe another
To soothe my readers' feelings
I'm proud to be back.

Ok, I've had quite enough with the haikus tonight. Really, I'm just procrastinating because I am avoiding writing my pub quiz for this week. I should really get on that, too, otherwise I will disappoint the Assassin, and that can only be bad.

More later, and I promise that this isn't an April Fool's joke.

Ok, ok I get it.

A number of fans, well readers, actually, have been haikuing me (did I just create a verb?) because, well, my blog here has fallen on some neglected times. I'm aware of it, really, but haven't been really in a blogging mood. What's making it worse is feeling like I don't have time to do any blogging, and the feeling that all my writing efforts and skills are going into a) work and b) pub quiz.

Both of these things take up time.

Plus, let's face it, this blog was started, oh, four years ago to talking about the impending 30th birthday I had coming up back then. This Wednesday, for those of you scoring at home, will be my own and the Ginger Ninja's half birthday, I'm staring down the barrel of 34, she, well, a year less. What possible advice can I still give to someone who's about to turn 30? Nothing really, although if things keep going as well as they are now, I will be walking the Assassin through that milestone of silliness in a little more than a year.

But enough of my excuses. How about a haiku?

Logan's Dave returns
Kilteoke and Guinness
Make me quite happy.

Maybe another
To soothe my readers' feelings
I'm proud to be back.

Ok, I've had quite enough with the haikus tonight. Really, I'm just procrastinating because I am avoiding writing my pub quiz for this week. I should really get on that, too, otherwise I will disappoint the Assassin, and that can only be bad.

More later, and I promise that this isn't an April Fool's joke.