Monday, January 31, 2005

A new toy!

I'm sitting here at my desk playing with my new toy. A brand new HP. I'm very excited. It's nice to have a new computer, but at the same time a little eerie. I can barely hear the keyboard as I type. It makes almost no sound. That's a little strange to me, I guess. Perhaps I'm just a creature of habit.

Anyways, I'm continuing to set up this thing so all my previous settings are back. More later, provided I get all the other things done I need to get done today.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

It'll make ya famous...

The Pub Quiz article(you'll probably need a sign-on) is out today- Q Section of the Chicago Tribune, page 3A.

Check it out, save me a copy, and I'll try to post it later, after I clean off the scanner.

Friday, January 28, 2005


It's pretty infrequently that I get to use my skills as a contractor anymore, except when I'm doing some mundane little project around my house, like staining bookshelves(which was tremendously different from all the doors I stained, thereby trashing my staining skills). Last night was different. I was watching the end of a movie I started Wednesday night when I noticed that I had a voice message. Hm. I didn't hear the phone ring. Upon research it was my dear friend Jen. She has fuse issues in her apartment building- I'm not sure who wired the thing, but they should be taken out back and shot immediately. She blows fuses rather often- to the point that she has a little list of what appliances, etc can be used simultaneously and what cannot.

Turns out that she blew yet another fuse, and had to reset the breaker. The bad news was, her apartment management company decided to change the door to the laundry room, where the fuse boxes are, and put a new lock on it, and completely failed to give keys to any of the tenants. The problem, of course, was that the blown fuse left her without heat, or the use of any outlet in her apartment. She could turn on her overhead lights, but no lamps, no TV, no computer, no fridge, and worst of all, NO HEAT. This is a problem when temperatures are expected to reach as low as 5.

After several threatening calls, and one to me to see if I could um, break into her basement, we decided that the best course of action was a temporary reassignment to my apartment. I brought her cat over, she packed up her groceries. Now, when Jen and I lived together with out two cats, they got along, but only after months of fights and growling. Nowadays, when they see each other, it's a rather bad situation. They hiss, they growl, they keep us up all night hissing and growling and being generally grumpy kitties. It's not fun.

The kitties are now alone and unattended in my apartment. I expect there is a slow, tense battle going on- and I'm not too excited about seeing what kind of mess they contributed to the other messes already in place in my apartment.

Her management company has promised that she will have a key when she gets home this afternoon. I remain, as always, suspicious of that. We shall see.

Again with the Vogons.

Scientists have named an asteroid after one of my favorite authors, Douglas Adams, according to this report. I found it on Fark this morning. The tagline was:
Asteroid named for Douglas Adams. Tragically, the Vogons demolished it seconds later to make way for a new hyperspace bypass.

Makes my day.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

More than 1 Billion served.

The first country I founded on Jennifer Nationstates has finally hit that all-important milestone: the population has exceeded 1 billion people. I'd say I'm proud, but I'm rather bored with it now. There's just not enough options that make sense on the issues presented. I dunno. I think I would have more fun if I had more options, but I could also be just burned out on the whole thing.

Anyways. All hail Schlitzistan!

My personality

I found this quiz over on Classy Trash this morning. Nice one. My personality, in a nutshell:

Wackiness: 50/100
Rationality: 56/100
Constructiveness: 68/100
Leadership: 66/100

You are a SRCL--Sober Rational Constructive Leader. This makes you a Ayn Rand ideal.

Taggart? Roark? Galt? You are all of these. You were born to lead. You may not be particularly exciting, but you have a strange charisma--born of intellect and personal drive--that people begin to notice when they have been around you a while. You don't like to compromise, but you recognize when you have to.

You care absolutely nothing what other people think, and this somehow attracts people to you. Treat them well, use them wisely, and ascend to your rightful rank.

Of the 82067 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 5.5 % are this type.

Most people barely make it a week.

I broke resolution number one last night- I was out til all hours on a school night. I didn't really plan on going out- I was content to sit at home, make dinner and watch a movie, until my friend called, asking about getting a drink. A drink turned into many drinks, turned into me abandoning them at the bar and walking home in the snow, only to slip and fall, rather painfully, and crawl into bed. Fortunately for me, I managed to set the alarm on my cell phone, so I wasn't terribly late. Unfortunately for me, I'm still awake and I'm still here.

At one of the places I went a guy recognized me from my picture from Red Eye yesterday. Another friend asked me to sign my picture, at which point I agreed, and wrote "See you in the car, Milhouse."

I am so funny.

I am also tired as all get out. Remember, however, that I made my bed, so here I lie.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Chipping a little more time off my 15 minutes.

While I was typing my last entry, my friend J called to tell me that I am pictured in today's Red Eye for the pub quiz I participate in at Ginger's Ale House.

As a matter of fate, I should be in this Sunday's Tribune for my pub quiz at the Globe.

I guess when it rains, it does pour.

I am honored.

I am honored that the grand-nephew of Archie Bennitz, Jeff Scott has chosen this post as his quote of the week.

Your great-uncle seemed like the kind of guy I would have really enjoyed spending time with. And I'm very sorry for your loss.

Thanks to Shawn for giving me the heads-up.

Road Trip! [Revisited]

At pub quiz last night, I tortured my quizzers with a match round about Norse Gods. I was reflecting on this a few minutes ago when I thought about this post from yesterday when I shared with all of you my recent brushes with all things Nordic, and the Snopes article about driving directions between two Norwegian cities which led potential motor travelers through something like 6 countries to travel less than 500 miles.

Finally, after yesterday's problems with servers and all that, I realized something: what would happen if you reversed directions? So I tried it. Here's what happens:

Are we there yet? [Revisited]
Posted by Hello
Suddenly, it's all back to normal. Driving through the Norwegian countryside like you should be. Here's the directions, for those who are interested.

And we're right back at where we started.

Here's another thing that annoys me about people:

Me: Simulated trading is down. We do not have an ETA as to when it will be back up.
Customer: Oh- so that's what the error message meant. So, do you think that'll be back today?
Me: They have not given us an ETA on that.
Customer: So, maybe today?
Me: I have no idea. they haven't given us an ETA.
Customer: Tomorrow or the next day then? Or don't you know?

Grumble grumble grumble.

Coffee Culture part 8,794

I know I've probably beat this topic into the ground, but I don't like coffee. I never have. I don't even injest caffeine, save for the little that enters my system through my favorite recreational drug, Guinness. I have tried it, once when I was maybe 9 or 10, and then again, when I was 19, we were drinking Irish Coffees one night, and I gave it another shot(literally). Of course, neither time was terribly appealing, so things just didn't work out for me and coffee.

As I'm reading through my blogs today, I came across 2005 Bloggie Nominee Joey's entry about Starbucks. In his entry he talks about another blogger's challenge to his readers to use the Starbucks Store Locator to beat his number of Starbucks stores within a 5 mile radius(43). Not that I have beaten the record of 170(the number for my old Midtown Manhattan office is 165), but there are 58 Starbucks I will probably never, ever be in within 5 miles of my house. Interesting. I had no idea.

So, even though I've seen Coffee and Cigarettes, I still don't get coffee culture.

Pub Quiz goodness.

We had quite a turnout last night, thanks to one of my regulars, who recruited quite a few people to come to last night's pub quiz. I was very, very happy with everything, including receiving a round of applause at the end of the festivities. The questions were well received, as well.

All in all, fun was had by all.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

The fastest way to annoy a Vogon...

... is to feed his mother to the Ravenous Bugbladder Beast of Traal.

The fastest way to annoy me is to call us up after our servers have been down for an hour, after I've been answering calls constantly for 60 minutes and to tell me "did you know that your servers have been down for an hour?"

To then be the next caller who asks an even more asinine question: "can you check on an order for me" after I tell you that the system is down for everyone, well, that's just stupid.

Anyways. At least time is passing by like a bullet train. Sadly, I still have 2 rounds of pub quiz to write.


Road trip!

I found this on Snopes this morning: directions from one Norwegian city to another lead you to take the ferry to the UK. The picture below is the "quickest" route. Even the "shortest" route has to you take the ferry to Newcastle Upon Tyne, then transfer to a different ferry to get back.

Are we there yet?
Posted by Hello

I decided that this was a strange bit of fate, as I'm re-reading A Long Dark Teatime of the Soul by Douglas Adams, which has a fair amount of plot devoted to aging Norse gods, which then prompted me to decided to write a pub quiz round about Norse gods, then I find this. I also checked it out- there are roads leading out of Haugesund, so I don't get it. Anyone know Norway well enough to tell me why this happens?

Otherwise, seems like everything's turning up Nordic today.

Starting off my morning with a crawl.

If you haven't heard already, and you happen to take the Brown Line, I'd allow for extra time this morning. There was a derailment at Kimball, slowing everything down.

Needless to say, it's made my morning a little bit happier.

I wished I had listened to the voice inside my head that saw the X80 bus pull up and said "take the bus to the Blue Line, take the bus to the Blue Line." Alas, the "sensible" part of my brain prevailed, and I wound up late.

Monday, January 24, 2005

2005 Bloggies

In case you were wondering, the Bloggies are out there and need your vote.

Blogs I'm very happy to see up for awards:
Photojunkie(who not only took pictures of me on Toronto's secret swing, but also snuck a shot of a sleeping Dave) for best Canadian Weblog.
The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century(fiance of my dear friend Wendy, whose wedding I will be standing at) for best Canadian Weblog.
Random Acts of Reality(my cohort on the trip to the secret swing) for best Tagline "Trying to kill as few people as possible..."

Not surprisingly, Wonkette is up for several awards, and I noticed Cooking for Engineers is nominated for best food blog.

Get out the vote!

I brake for memes.

Got this one off of Serial Blogonomy:

What color is most reflective of you? Black, I guess. I wear it the most.

How did you get the idea for your journal name? This was(is) a blog about turning thirty, Logan's Run is a movie about a society where you die when you turn thirty. Combine that with my experiences regarding turning 30, and you get Logan's Dave.

What time were you born? 10:37 pm Central.

What song are you playing now, or wish you were playing? As of this particular instance, I have Tegan & Sarah in my head.

Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry? Yes.

What color underwear are you wearing? Plaid

Do you want a baby? Probably more than one, but I'm not sure.

What does your dad do for a living? Teacher

What does your mom do for a living? Retail Manager

What is your pet's name? Mia

What color are your bedsheets? Notice the pattern: Plaid flannel.

What are the last 3 digits of your phone number? 799.

What was the last concert you attended? Pixies @ the Aragon.

Who was with you? Friends and friends-of-friends.

What was the last movie you saw? Team America: World Police(again)

Who do you dislike most at this moment? Customers.

What food are you craving right now? Pepperoni pizza.

Did you dream last night? Yep. You don't want to know.

What was the last tv show you watched? WGN Morning News

What is your fave piece of jewelry? Celtic ring.

What is to the left of you? My co-worker.

What was the last thing you ate? Plastic tasting Healthy choice.

Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Jess.

Write a song lyric that's in your head? I Think I Love You by Partridge Family(my friend and I are iming, and I tend to write songs with her name infused into it, and this particular day, I've worked that song out with her name in it).

Who last imed you? Um, see above.

Where is your significant other right now? Probably working.

Do you have a crush? Always.

What shampoo do you use? I don't. Bald men don't need shampoo.

When was the last time you cut your hair? If shaving counts, this morning.

Are you on any meds? Yes. To stop fats from entering my system.

Do you have a mental disease? That's debatable.

What shirt are you wearing? A sort of tan-colored shirt for work.

What time is it? 2:08 pm.

What color is your razor? Silver and green.

What is your fave frozen treat? Ice cream.

Are you sexy? Too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan.

What's your favorite shopping store? Outside of groceries, I don't really shop that often.

Are you thirsty? Not really.

Can you imagine yourself ever getting married? That's the plan.

Snow Bound.

I know that my friends further East of me are dealing with the same thing I dealt with this weekend: SNOW. Loads and loads of the crappy white stuff.

I did manage to go out on Friday night- and had a wonderful time, especially when my companion and I were in cabs- certainly the life-threatening aspect of cab passengership was multiplied by the snow. Life and limb were spared. Saturday around 3 I went out and shoveled the sidewalk by our building, only to have 6 more inches fall on top of the path I cut through the mess. Such is life. Frequent calls from my cabin-fever-struck friend T caused me great worry, especially after he told me that not only was he cleaning off his car, but that he wanted to drive the 6 miles to my house and go for a drink. I flat-out refused. I wasn't going out. I was staying in with my Netflix and a bottle of wine, and I was going to have fun. Fun was had.

Yesterday I was bored. Until pub quiz, anyways, there were barely a dozen people there, and a photographer from Metromix showed up. This could be, my friends, the 3rd time I've been in a Chicagoland daily newspaper in the last 6 months. My fame is starting to go to my head. Bow to me.

I kid.

I've written more than half of the rounds for tomorrow night's quiz, the article was NOT in this weekend's Trib, so I guess I'll be waiting a week for that.

Everything else is going all hunky-dory. So far.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Walkin' in a winter wonderland.

Oh, wait.

I'm not happy about this, as I just trudged from Wrigley Field to my house.

In the snow.


I need some sleep.

Friday, January 21, 2005

A quick note to Archie Bennitz.

Dear Archie,

You've never met me, and yet I already miss you. I miss your passion. I miss hockey.

Thanks for having the last laugh on those clowns.


Logan's Dave

Happy birthday to you.

I had this whole sappy thing typed out, and decided to delete it. It's kind of a blog entry for one, I guess. Here's the barebones:

You know who you are. We haven't talked in a long time, but I still think about you. Especially on your birthday, my dear. So, have a happy one, and if you're reading this, send me an e-mail, let me know how you're doing.

More news you can use, or: War Begins with W.

Check out this report from American Progress about how much money the W spent on his inauguration.

I got to thinking about this, and I've noticed a pattern. Bush the Senior didn't "accomplish" Iraqi freedom(although this was not the ultimate goal), so Junior goes out and "does" it. During his first inauguration, people threw eggs at his limo, and he didn't get to make the "traditional" walk to the White House.

So, it seems that for the Bushes, the second time around is always more expensive and more shit gets blown up.

Special thanks to the red states for helping make this possible.

Special thanks to Tony Pierce for posting it.

Special thanks to Wonkette, for posting a list of the signs along the parade route, including my personal favorite, War Begins with W.

Oddly, I wouldn't have minded so much.

This article did two things to me this morning. Made me laugh, and almost simultaneously, made me shudder with terror.

You see, neither of my knees, as of last August, were in particularly good shape, but the right was definitely worse off than the left, and thankfully, I am feeling much, much better. I might not have to have the left knee done again, thanks to the exercises I learned from my physical therapist.

Anyways, back to the shuddering with terror:
At the time, I was perplexed by his actions, but am now completely thrilled that my surgeon, on the day of my surgery, walked into my room, checked out my shaved knee and asked "we're doing the right knee today, correct?" After my positive response, he took his pen out and wrote "yes" on my leg(pictured here, between Itchy and Seepy). I wore his notation for more than a week before I was able to wash that area and remove all the writing.

But look at me now- I can run and jump and play and dance and bike. The only real restrictions I still have: I can't kneel, and I probably shouldn't play volleyball.

But life, as they say, is going on.

Another quick thing...

I am the third hit on Yahoo!'s search for "Brett Farve Sucks."

It's good to be the king.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Check out the article here.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Intelligence test.

As in, what kind of intelligence does yours truly have?

Your Dominant Intelligence is Logical-Mathematical Intelligence

You are great at finding patterns and relationships between things.
Always curious about how things work, you love to set up experiments.
You need for the world to make sense - and are good at making sense of it.
You have a head for numbers and math ... and you can solve almost any logic puzzle.

You would make a great scientist, engineer, computer programmer, researcher, accountant, or mathematician.

I feel kinda ripped off by the first question:
1. As a kid, you:

()Liked to think in images and pictures. You enjoyed drawing and jigsaw puzzles.
()Enjoyed writing, reading, storytelling, and doing word puzzles
()Were athletic. You also like crafts like sewing or woodworking.
()Were interested in math problems, strategy games, and experiments.
()Liked to listen to and make your own music.
()Were shy and spent a lot of time thinking about your feelings.
()Had a lot of friends and got along well with everyone.

Depending on the stage of my childhood, each one of these things could have been checked. I checked the math one, just because I did a lot of stuff like that when I was a kid.

Big thanks to Erin Go Blog for posting it.

News you can use.

I'm still vastly amused that last night's 6pm Simpsons episode(Episode 1521) was all about how ultra-patriotic this country has become. But that's another story.

Here's a nice, interesting story about vibrators.

Completely unrelated, let's check out how one particular Scot sees our political leaders in his "Heroes and Villians of 2004" article:
George W Bush With all due respect, the man is a moronic, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, mindless puppet doing the bidding of his super-rich, neo-con, oil-soaked paymasters while issuing lip service to the concerns of the great unwashed. He's dragged us all into a dangerous quagmire in the Middle East and shafted the planet with his environmental vandalism.

John Kerry Talk about missing an open goal. Kerry had every chance to oust George W (see above). But like, Al Gore before him, he bored his way to defeat.

It's almost frightening to me how accurately he reflects my feelings. Makes me proud to be part Scottish.

I can resist anything but temptation.

Last night my friend T, who just quit his job, asked if he could come over to use my computer to do some resume stuff, with the idea that we'd go for a quick beer afterwards. When he got to my house, I was in the throes of dinner preparation. He did his computer stuff, I finished cooking and ate. It was a well-timed operation.

Afterwards, we headed to the Globe for a drink, and, because he didn't want to eat my heart-healthy food, he ordered dinner.

Here's where temptation rears a very, very, very ugly head.

I was shockingly enthralled watching the Bulls lose and drinking my Guinness that I hadn't heard what he ordered. Some time later, here comes his order: a cheeseburger with bacon and a mountain of curly fries. Immediately he says "want some fries?"

Oh boy.

Fortunately for me, my resolve to resist fried food is a might bit stronger almost immediately after consuming heart-healthy food, so I was able to resist. I do have to say, those fries smelled pretty goddamn good, though.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Superheroes and rants.

I'm wearing the number one Super-Tie today. Underneath that, I'm wearing the t-shirt exposing my secret superhero identity: Velveeta Man.

Anyways, it's been a day around here. Just too many of the same type of situations:

Me: What operating system are you using?
Cust: Windows 95.
Me: [silent, completely befuddled that a person is using a 10-year-old operating system]
Cust: Are you still there?
Me: You need to upgrade.

I can't, for the life of me, comprehend this. Perhaps I'm being pretentious. A high and mighty tech support guy, but I can't fathom.

Added to that is the call I took about an hour ago:
Cust: I'm having problems with my simulated account.
Me: Ok, what exactly is the problem?
Cust: [the sound of light precipitation and windshield wipers is in the background] Well, I'm not in front of it right now.

Now, how the hell am I supposed to solve your problem on your home computer when you're driving away from it? When you don't have the information I need to fix said problem with you?

It's just mild frustration. I could really use a drink.

Superheroes and tearing into customers.

I'm wearing the number one Super-Tie today. Underneath that, I'm wearing the t-shirt exposing my secret superhero identity: Velveeta Man.

Anyways, it's been a day around here. Just too many of the same type of situations:

Me: What operating system are you using?
Cust: Windows 95.
Me: [silent, completely befuddled that a person is using a 10-year-old operating system]
Cust: Are you still there?
Me: You need to upgrade.

I can't, for the life of me, comprehend this. Perhaps I'm being pretentious. A high and mighty tech support guy, but I can't fathom.

Added to that is the call I took about an hour ago:
Cust: I'm having problems with my simulated account.
Me: Ok, what exactly is the problem?
Cust: [the sound of light precipitation and windshield wipers is in the background] Well, I'm not in front of it right now.

Now, how the hell am I supposed to solve your problem on your home computer when you're driving away from it? When you don't have the information I need to fix said problem with you?

It's just mild frustration. I could really use a drink.

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

I hate to keep posting little posties of seemingly unrelated information, but I've got a lot bouncing around in my brain this morning.

So, when I come across this article about 2 minutes ago, I got, well, very angry. Honestly, if I were this guy's boss, I probably would have lost my job for slapping him silly for saying such a thing.

Good riddance, asshole.

The world's smallest pub quiz.

Last night's numbers were, plainly, horrible. I know it was cold out and I know there was snow coming but, c'mon, where you wanna be when the weather hits? That's right! In a bar, answering trivia questions!

Ah well. The Trib article is supposed to hit this Sunday, from what I've heard, so if you're in Chicago, pick up a copy and then start coming in for fun. There's also posters up at The Globe that I designed and wrote! Wow! I feel like such a pseudo-celebrity.

Variety is the spice of life.

I'm reading through blogs today in reverse order. I don't know why. I just felt like it. Over on Serial Blogonomy I found this test. My results of this sometimes seemingly endless test? My RealAge was calculated to be 34.7, a full 3.4 years over my actual calendar age of 31.3. Oh well.

So, I guess I'm doing ok, considering. That's good news.

Back to the blogroll.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Worry not, dear friends.

I apologize for not blogging, nor being available for IMing today. I was simply too busy at work, and, well, too busy trying to write the damn pub quiz for tonight.

Here I am, with only 152 minutes until "showtime" and I still have one round to write. At the very least, I do have six rounds of gleamingly fun questions. Ok- not all of them are fun, but most are.

Life will return to a somewhat more normal status after my boss hires someone and I stop putting off writing pub quizzes until the day of. But I always felt I worked best under pressure. Perhaps this is a stalemate of Dave's personality. Hm.

Anyways, on Friday night, amongst all the "hey, how ya doin's" I said, my very dear friend A, whom I believe is secretly convinced that I will drop dead of a massive heart attack any second(as of this instant, my bp is 114 over 68, so I'm not nearly as worried). Challenged me to give up red meat, fried food, and bacon for a month. In return, she is quitting smoking for the same period of time. The clock started yesterday, and runs until February 18th. So, if you happen to catch her smoking, or me eating red meat, bacon, or fried food("You said you didn't like all the grease from fried bacon, so I boiled it." Name that movie!) feel free to point it out.

Anyways, I think I have an idea as to what I'm going to write for round 2 tonight, so I'm off to work that out.

Monday, January 17, 2005


After therapy on Friday, as promised, I went out with friends to celebrate my graduation. All told, I went to 4 bars, and in each one, I ran into someone I haven't seen in at least a month. It was an interesting thing to happen. Needless to say, I did a lot of catchiing up with people. Saturday had kinda the same thing going on, when a dear friend called to say she was coming to town, and wanted to grab a drink and watch football. Yesterday, again, I saw another dear friend who I haven't seen in quite a while.

All in all, it was a weekend of "Hey, how've you been?"

Friday, January 14, 2005

Just a quick thing...

Check out this entry on Tony Pierce's Blog.

It's a fun read. I got a kick out of it.

Graduation Day

It's hard to believe that I'm finishing up Physical Therapy today. I'm rather excited about it. I'm also thinking back to that day, some 127 days ago, when I went under the knife for the third time. Then, afterwards, as I started therapy, how big and swollen my poor knee was.

Needless to say, I've come a long way, baby.

Now I can run, jump, ride a bike, and, something I couldn't do before- I can touch my toes. The only thing I can't do? Kneel. But that'll come back with some more time. I hope.

Anyways, blogging will be lighter than it has been, as we're very short today. Rumor has it that our new computers are here, and I'm volunteering to have mine replaced first, just so it's done.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

I don't know what cosmic forces are out there making this week seem so horrible, but this has been one of my least favorite weeks to have my job.

Not that there are favorite weeks(well, maybe those weeks where I only work 3 or 4 days), but I'm sure I've had a better attitude.

Just yesterday I tried to use some new strategies when dealing with our customers. With one, who was irate because he was having problems with an order(something I cannot check on) and threatening to take his business elsewhere.

Me: Sir, I am trying to help you as best as I can, however, as a member of the technical support team, there is a limit to my functions. I cannot, although I would love to help you, tell you the status on your order. I can only direct you to the people who can help you with this information. If you'd like, I can transfer you now to the order check desk.

Oddly, although not a shining example of exemplary customer service, it did diffuse the situation. Sometimes, although not often, I get lucky with assholes(check out the speech from Team America about Dicks, Assholes, and Pussies).

This is contrasted by a call I had about 2 hours later, where the guy was just plain railing me- not something recommended by the ADA, AMA or USRDA:

Cust: Well, I know I can get these quotes.
Me: According to my supervisor, those quotes are not available and they haven't been for some time.
Cust: Well, why?
Me: I'm not sure. I think that because it is a pit-traded* commodity, streaming data is not available.
Cust: Well do you know or not know?
Me[already frustrated with customer, getting much worse]: I'm going to have to put you on hold.
Cust: Wait. Just tell me if you know for sure or not.
Me[beyond the point of any ability to be civil]: Please hold.
Me(speaking to my boss): I need you to pick this asshole up, before I tear into him like you've never wanted to see me tear into a customer before.

Turns out that the customer is one of those high-maintenance people who always need to be in control and always need to know that they're right. My boss, saint that he is, pointed out to the customer's representative that he was railing me, and that that wasn't allowed.

Today, no one's gotten that far under my skin(thankfully). The day, as it were, ain't over yet.

*Pit-traded, for those of you not familiar with the fascinating world of futures trading(please realize the sarcasm I'm trying to convey) means that there are actually men and women standing in an area together shouting buy and sell orders at each other. If you've never seen it, rent Trading Places and Ferris' Bueller's Day Off. Both show the relative controlled chaos that is the trading floor.


I finally got around to seeing the rompish Team America: World Police last night. I have to report that my companion and I spent a great amount of the movie laughing uproariously, even at the frequently inappropriate jokes. I can't help it. I've got a sick mind, and I find sick things funny. Love me, love my sense of humor.

What were my favorite bits? Right away at the beginning, I noticed that the cobblestones in Paris were actually croissants. I laughed and laughed. Matt Damon, hilarious. Making fun of Hollywood's constant attempts at influencing politics, hilarious.

In unrelated news, tomorrow is my graduation day from Physical Therapy. We've decided that I get to pick my exercises for the last day. I slacked off last night. Then again, I was in a hurry to get ready for my movie, and since my train got stuck in the loop, I was already running behind.

So, the good news is I'm back to relatively good health, knee-wise. Sounds like as good an excuse as ever to go out drinking, right?

Right. I'm thinking drinks at the Globe, for those of you who are in Chicago who want to raise a glass to my knee health. I should be there by 6:30 or 7.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

That thing that I should have remembered, but didn't.

On Tuesday I was going to share with all of you the new low I reached the other night.

Get your heads out of the gutter, people.

My blood pressure Monday night was 116 over 62- for the first time in quite a while, I was under the "prehypertensive" levels on both numbers. It should also be noted that I accomplished this with out medication- I'm hopefully becoming the heart-healthy person I was before my thirties struck.

Time Remaining: 4 minutes 46.875 seconds

Last night, as I was sitting and chatting with a couple of friends from my pub quiz, the bartender, B walked up to me and said: "Dave, the guy down at the end of the bar is here from the Tribune to interview you about pub quiz." I moved down the bar so I could talk to him. We had a nice talk, he had a lot of questions about how pub quiz worked, why I run it, stuff like that. He decided, after talking to me, that the way to really get to know it was to come back and play. I was thrilled, so I brought him back and had him sit on a team. He introduced himself and asked the players questions- it was really fun to have him around. After half an hour or so, the photographer showed up and took quite a few pictures of myself, the players, and the bar. I was told that the article will be in the Q section in one of the Sunday editions in the next 2-4 weeks. More information on that as it becomes available.

So, this event made me curious as to how many of my 15 minutes of fame guaranteed me by the Constitution of Andy Warhol were left, so I devised an elaborate Excel spreadsheet to help determine this. It multiplies the duration of said exposure(an scale for written media follows how long, essentially, it takes to read said material), multiplied by the exposure(i.e., worldwide tv, 5, large-market TV 3, local cable access for my HS, .5), multiplied by the percentage of recognizablity of yours truly. That gives me a "scaled time", which I then subtracted from 15. What surprises me is, well, time's running out. Of course, I might have to tweak some of these numbers- I don't like the fact that the cable broadcast of my HS talent show performances(totaling about 10 minutes) uses up 5 minutes of my 15. That just seems wrong. I'm also not including any internet fame I may have, even though, as I've learned through Googlebation, that searching for my name takes your straight to, well, what you're reading right now.

Well, for now, we'll leave the remaining time at 4:46.875.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

It's a schpedoinkle day.

I've already finished tonight's pub quiz, mostly because I wrote two rounds yesterday, and I'm liking tonight's- I think it's more fun that usual, but I'm biased.

I wouldn't really say I'm in a good mood, but I'm in a pretty good mood, considering. Considering that I'm at work and don't want to deal with yesterday's problems again today(but here they are).


I thought I had more.

Oh well.

Monday, January 10, 2005

All the little chicks with the purple lips say...

Brett Favre sucks, Brett Favre sucks!

To say the least, I'm very happy with this weekend's Vikings game. Please don't leave comments about how Randy Moss is an ass, either. I know that. I'm a fan of the team, so I've been putting up with his antics for years and years, on a weekly basis. I'm well aware of them. Despite all that, I'm happy-happy joy-joy about the situation.

Then again, I'm feeling much, much better, and I'm back at work(which isn't going as swimmingly as one would have hoped), finally.

So, despite having a crappy weekend of picks(I don't even want to talk about what an idiot Marty Schottenheimer proved to be), I'm still happy with the football world.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Monkey Wash, Donkey Rinse [updated!!!!]

After so long at home, being able to do very, very little, I decided to do some well-deserved surfing this afternoon. I came across the Weebl Advent Calendar. Of course, not being christian and not liking christmas, I only checked it out due to complete boredom and morbid curiosity. The big payoff came here. It is, of course, a take off of their already hilarious Kenya toon.

Laughter is the best medicine, my friends.

The topper, of course, of the previous bit is this. Be patient with it, there's a choice bridge in there.

Friday, January 07, 2005


I discovered yesterday that people were wondering where the hell I was.

Well, like clockwork, every two or three years I get sick. Really sick. It's funny, because I so rarely get sick, but, as mentioned, every once in a while, I just get the crap kicked out of me. Ladies and Gentlemen, this happened this week. I have some kind of stomach flu, it seems, and it has completely knocked me out of commission.

What's weird is I felt it coming on- I just wasn't sleeping, so I started tripling my Vitamin C intake, lots of fruit and the like. But I continued to feel more and more run down- finally, Tuesday night, I was so tired that I almost cancelled pub quiz. Wednesday morning, I woke up, took a shower, and, without going into the nasty details, discovered that I was definitely sick. After heading to PT in the afternoon, I stopped by the Osco on my way home, and helped a woman get her car unstuck(she had driven over the concrete parking-space bumper, and couldn't get back over). In retrospect, this was not the best situation to help out in, as I was already sick. Ergo, yesterday was worse. This morning, I do believe that my fever has broken, so I thought I'd drop a line to y'all.

Through the whole time, there's been at least one person who has taken care of me as best as she can. Unfortunately, she just doesn't go to the store for me. She sure does like having me around, and not too willing to move all that much, though.

What makes me mad is that we've had a winter wonderland here in Chicago, and I've missed out on it completely. No fun in the snow for Dave. Oh well.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Leiutenant Logan.

Team mopundow's first ever meeting was last night. We talked about what we need, who's going to be on the team, and how we're going to raise money. And we drank.

It was good. I'm a little worried about the overall size of the team, as it seems to be potentially quadrupling over last year's 4 riders and 1 "crew chief." With 15 on a team, we're going to need at least 2 crew people, and I'm breaking the team into squads- hence, promoting myself to Leiutenant.

On second thought- I don't like the military analogy. Instead, we're going to make it into a hockey analogy. I will be captain, and I will have two assistant captains.

Anyways, a poorly judged salad from last night is making today's stomach relatively unhappy- but I'm going to fight through it.

Damn- I just realized I have a pub quiz to write for tonight. I'd better get on that.

Monday, January 03, 2005


Not that I try to make a habit of publicly announcing my New Year's resolutions, I am, for a change.

Resolution #1- I will stop treating my body like I'm still in my twenties. This means no more howling at the moon on school nights and trying to get to bed at a reasonable time.

Resolution #2- I will bring my prepared lunch to work at least 3 days a week, and will cook at home at least 4 nights a week.

That's it. That's all I'm really trying to change.

Of course, one could argue that my performance on Saturday morning merits breaking my first resolution within a mere 450 minutes of making said resolution, I'm springing myself on a technicality, that Friday was not a school night, ergo, I am in the clear.

Some good stuff, then a rant.

So, I had a wonderful drive out to the farm this weekend. Turns out that when I left, around 9 on Saturday morning, probably 3/4 of the 8 million people in the Chicagoland area were probably at home, either hungover or having not slept enough. The roads were empty- and it took me only 1 hour 55 minutes to make the trip from my house to my grandparents'. That's not too bad, as it usually takes about 2 1/2 hours to get there- all thanks to traffic.

(In case you were wondering, here's where the big but comes in...)


I had forgotten about a certain rate change going into effect on 1 January, 2005. It now costs twice as much to drive on Illinois Tollways, unless, of course, you have purchased I-Pass. Of course, not owning a car, and usually renting or borrowing other people's cars, I have no I-Pass. This is not the issue. The issue, friends and readers is, that, they're touting this rate hike as a method to relieve congestion. Um, folks, the problem isn't that not enough people are using I-Pass. The problem is how tolls are collected in the first place.

We here in Illinois have toll plazas at various intervals throughout the tollway system. The issue is that in order to pay your toll, you have to bring your vehicle to a complete halt to pay said toll(with I-Pass, you are expected to slow to as low as 5 mph to pay). And although they make those toll plazas several lanes wide, you can see how it can cause trouble- much like a stoplight on a freeway would severely curtail any kind of traffic flow- it's a little asinine.

Ever drive on the Ohio Turnpike? When you enter the tollway, you're issued a card from the toll plaza. This card records when you enter the tollway, how many axels your vehicle has, etc, etc. You're free to drive after that, until, of course, you exit the tollway, at which point, you hand your card to a tollbooth operator, who then calculates your toll and collects your money. At no point during your trip do you have to stop- unless you choose to do so- to pay your toll. Rates, by the way, are conveniently located on the card, so if you know which exit you entered on(marked on said card) and which exit you're leaving the tollway, you can figure out what you need to pay before you get to the booth.

It seems so sensible. I don't understand why we've got this backwards system.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Ceci n'est pas une gueule de bois.

Translation:This is not a hangover.

It should be, it really wants to be, but the fact of the matter is that I didn't feel terribly drunk when I left the party I was at last night. I should have been. What with the massive amount of F & V's I drank, coupled with the Scotch and beer, I should have been walking-into-walls drunk, but I wasn't. This, my friends and neighbors, is lack of sleep. This is what happens when you go to bed at 3 and wake up at 7:30.

I will survive.

Anyways, happy new year to everyone out there. I'm going to take a shower and hit the road- I'm heading to my grandparent's farm for a family gathering. Should be good- especially in the boat of a rental car I have.