As promised:

Yesterday I promised to explain the irony of waking up at 4 am in Chicago on a Sunday. It's really quite simple.

Chicago is a drinking town. Always has been, always will be. What would you expect from a city once virtually run by Al Capone? In Chicago, we have two kinds of bars: 2am and 4am. Those, of course, would be the closing times. What's really fun is that on Saturdays, all bars have permission to extend their hours by one hour, so when I was waking up at 4 on Sunday morning, there were people still ordering another drink. Had I not been riding a 30 mile course, I probably could have stopped by and gotten myself a brew.

Bike the Drive is a wonderful experience. I fully intend on getting more people to ride with me next year, hopefully my brother and father, for two. And hopefully, by then, I will have had my knees fixed again, so that they're not so painful. Honestly, I kept a good pace, and I was comfortable, but after about 20 miles(including biking downtown), they got pretty bad. I fought through it, of course, but wasn't terribly happy.

Afterwards, we went to breakfast, which was wonderful. Then, the storms started. It was pretty scary, so we decided not to bike home, but to take the train. Nothing could have been wiser. After that, I rewarded myself with the traditional beer in the shower. This year, I treated myself to a Guinness. Then, I made a cake for my friend's 35th birthday party, and headed out and about. After the party things went awry, but I'm still alive and well. I was just too damn tired, and everyone else wanted to keep the party going, but wasn't coordinating.

That's where we are now. I've got some housework to do, so I'm off to do that.

The first rule in e-mail

I remember when we first got e-mail at work, all those years ago, it became one of those unwritten rules that if you were going to be in really late or really early, you should find an excuse to send a all-office e-mail, or at least one to the boss and, if you can, the biggest gossip. That way, everyone's real impressed with your dedication.

This blog is no different. Be impressed that it's 4:20 am and I'm sending out a message to all of you.

Later today, after I complete Bike the Drive, I'll explain the irony of waking up at 4 am in Chicago, in regards to the local liquor laws.

You'll love it.

A lazy, hazy day.

Ok, far from it. I rode my bike in the rain bright and early this morning, had lunch, went to the grocery store for the materials I needed to make the cake for my friend tomorrow, and I watched two movies.

Ok, the afternoon was kinda lazy, but this morning, nope. Busy.

Feels good to be alive, no?

Memories............

Sorry if that song is stuck in your head now.

I had lunch with one of my oldest friends today. We got talking about the old times, the new times, all the stuff in between. I like lunches like that.

So I'm all misty, thinking about my younger days. And feeling old. At least, feeling older.

It is nice to know, however, that after some 16 years of knowing each other, we still get along so well.

Levity.

After that last post and its subject, I could use some.

It is Friday. It is Springtime. It is payday.

Question: why be down when you can be up?

I'm working on it. I've decided to have fun with today, despite all the fucked-up shit going on right now. I don't want to discuss. I want to solve problems and get on with my life. It's time to rock this party.

In honor of this, I would like to bring back an old favorite.

I feel better already.

Scary.

I generally do not get that flabbergasted by the evils of my follow human beings. I am amazed at the cruelty of this, though.

So much so that I don't want to talk about it.

I'm not sure about the scientific validity of this, but...

...check it out:

I AM 51% ASSHOLE/BITCH! I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em. Take the ASSHOLE/BITCH test at Fuali.com

Proof of my anger, or further proof that libras are balanced people? I say let history be the judge.

A calmer, healthier Dave

I'm feeling much, much better compared to yesterday. I'm just really, really hungry. And still pissed at a certain company for screwing over my best friend, but that's being handled by professionals. At least, its going to be. This makes me happy.

I have this problem where I try to be everyone's big brother. I already have a little brother, and three stepsisters, even one stepbrother that are younger than me. But I'm everyone's big brother. I always step in to help. Even when I'm not needed.

I didn't mean to toot my own horn. I just got bombarded with compliments from my friend at the MS Society. I like her. She's the best.

Anyways, I'm back at work, and I'm getting ready for some litigation. Time for some justice. Let's do some good.

Why do I feel like Kevin Kostner in Untouchables? Time for a nap.

You still be illin'

Me, I'm feeling much better. Even got a bike ride in, just for kicks.

I spoke with my friend at the MS Society. She was just as outraged as I was, and had some good advice for me, up to and including to calm down. I need to manage the stress for my best friend, lest her symptoms worsen. She got me in touch with another worker there, who got me the names and numbers for various employment law experts(including one on retainer for them) and lawyers.

I quote Star Trek Two:

Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best [process] served cold?

I can hardly wait.

You be Illin'

Myself, I must have eaten something funky last night, because I am not in good health this morning. I have taken my first sick day from my new job. That's not what's really important to me today.

As far as the other illin' news, well, let's just say a tragedy has occured.

Yesterday, my best friend lost her job. Her company accused her of being "under the influence of alcohol" at work. Why? Because she was slurring her speech. There was no test or any medical tests made. She was just summarily dismissed. At this point, I would like to quote from the National MS Society's information pamphlet "What is Multiple Sclerosis?", from the section entitled "What are its symptoms?"

The symptoms of MS may include tingling, numbness, painful sensations, slurred speech, and blurred or double vision.

As many of you know, my best friend was diagnosed with MS in November of last year, and I am participating in the MS 150 Tour de Farms in June of this year. Her employer was very well aware that she was stricken with this disease.

When she told me, I went into full crisis mode. I comforted her, then I called my brother, who is a lawyer. His wife will soon be taking the bar exam as well. I related the story, and he felt exactly as I did. That there was something seriously wrong with the situation. I called her back. I told her I was going to talk to another friend, who knows a fair amount of labor lawyers. We all met for dinner and discussed the situation. In an hour, I will be calling my contact in the Illinois chapter of the MS Society to see if they have a team of lawyers sympathetic to our cause, and try to get the ball rolling on a lawsuit.

I am disgusted by this blatent discrimination, and I will not rest until her former employer pays dearly for their misdeeds.

I feel it is my duty as an American to share this with each and every one of you.

Go here. Play. Try not to get arrested.

This is possibly the greatest thing ever.

Holy crap!

My blogiversary was the 22nd. I didn't even notice.

How sad is that, after all the countdowns I've done on this thing?

Happy blogiversary to me!

Pensive

I'm thinking interiorly today. I'm being selfish. I'm not thinking about anyone else.

I decided that my sleep patterns were getting too irregular, so I started a sleep study again. Let's just say the first recorded dream isn't one that I was expecting.

I've babbled endlessly about how to lucid dream, so I won't mention it again- here's a slight discussion on it. I didn't I let it go.

More on that when I figure out what to say.

I'm trying really hard to not explode right now...

This article has me angry. Not in a nice, conventional kind of angry, but in a whothefuckdoyouthinkyouaremotherfucker kind of way. Because I'm still so jumpy with rage, allow me to share with you the quote that has me so angry(from the movement to have Jackson's bail reduced):

"The defendant here is 'Michael Jackson, international celebrity,' a man whose life style to date would not have prepared him to adapt readily to a prison environment and routine, and whose physical stature will present its own problems for him in making the necessary adjustments.

Fuck you. That is incredibly fucking offensive. There are only two things I would say to this. #1- Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. That goes for celebrities as well. #2- Whose lifestyle to date does prepare someone to adapt to a prison lifestyle?

I mean, sure, if he goes to prison and is in with the general population, I would predict that he becomes the entire wing's bitch inside of a week. Quite frankly, I wouldn't be that concerned about it, either. But letting someone's celebrity keep them from justice, that's just absurd. What if a celebrity turns out to be an al-Qaeda agent? Oh, sorry, um, because your movie grossed over $200,000,000, we're just going to let you pay a fine. This country has done enough despicable things, and adding to the list would make me sick.

End preferrential treatment now.

New life goal.

I have something new to aim for- and these guys already have done it. I enjoy the bike riding, and this would be one hell of a way to spend a month.

Just think. If I were independently wealthy, I'd do shit like this all the time.

Fun.

Too busy a weekend to blog.

It wasn't nearly as exciting other weekends I'm sure to be reading about later on, but I was crazy busy active this weekend. So, let's run through our now traditional Monday weekend recap:

Friday, well that was supposed to be a mellow evening, and it was, relatively speaking. I picked up my packet for the Bike the Drive Ride, then went down to my local watering hole to get watered. I caught up with my roommate at another place, because the friend I was supposed to meet just wasn't leaving the confines of Evanston. I then headed back to the first place to talk with the people I had been getting to know earlier. Then it was beddy-bye. A little later than I wanted to, but I got there nonetheless.

Saturday started off with an incredible bike ride with my friend D. We headed from my house, all the way to Promontory Point. It was a great ride- and I felt great afterwards. I was covered in dirt and sweat, but that was easily rectified with a nice shower. After that, it was time for some softball up in Roger's Park with our new and improved softball team. It was just a practice, but it was a sorely needed practice. None of us had played in 2 years. The field was wet, but we played anyways, which led to a lot of errors and mud-covered appendages. I was one of the worse off, with both legs covered in different colors of mud. I did, however hit the scrimmage-winning RBI double. I was very proud.

Then, we barbequed. And drank. And I went home, took a shower, and went out again. The soreness from all the softball and the exquisite pain from thrashing around in the mud didn't set in until yesterday morning, when I decided to take a day off from major activity and just try to relax. It worked like a charm, after I did laundry. I wound up running pub quiz last night, too. It was fun.

So, that's the weekend, sans all the political commentary I wanted to make. I didn't have the energy, frankly.

There you have it.

The Myths and Realities of the Tech Desk Worker

Let's start with the myths:
1) Through the magic of telecommunication, I can see, through the phone, exactly what you see on the screen.
2) I can read your mind.
3) I can expertly answer questions about each and every program you have ever seen, heard of, or dreamt up, regardless of me ever having seen, heard of, or used it.
4) I will answer your call promptly and without hesitation at all hours of the night.
5) I enjoy pedantic babbling(you might call it small talk).
6) I am giving you and you problem my undivided attention.
7) I am in charge of everything that happens in our website. As a matter of fact, I invented the internet, and I run every site online.
8) I am here to teach you how to pee.
9) I will lay down any sacrifice to make your problem go away. Willingly and without hesitation.
10) The problem is entirely my fault. I am here to help you as pennance.

Realities:
1) If you think I can see what you see, read your mind, or otherwise, you are a complete idiot.
2) If you ask me a dumb question, I will regale my co-workers with your ineptness. Then my friends, then my family. Pretty soon, hopefully, someone will start off a story to you with "so a friend of mine works tech support, and he got this call..."
3) Speak only when spoken to. Try to answer the question without telling in a story about your dog, granddaughter, or neighbor's tree. I am highly unlikely to be at all interested.
4) If I do ask you a question, do not reply with "well, you tell me."
5) I am trained to support our software. Norton tech support is trained to support theirs, Windows theirs, etc. that how the world works. If you've got problems with their software, call them. I can't fix it. Nor will I call them for you.
6) You should know the basics of using a computer if you are using a computer. Do not ask me how to double-click. See reality number 2.
7) While I am talking to you, I am probably playing a game, IMing with at least one friend, and checking my e-mail. While your problem is important, I'm really just trying to get you off the phone so I can get back to what I'm doing. Don't take offense. That's just how I work best.
8) While you're babbling on and on about how your son keeps breaking through to adult sites, my lunch is getting cold. This makes me exceedingly angry.
9) I didn't write the goddamn thing. I'm trying to fix it. Don't yell at me.
10) I like you.

I know, it's blunt, and it screams of Clerks-esque influence, but it's how I'm feeling right about now. I blame Friday Five for closing up shop. Now I've got no one to show off for.

"And now, the crazy old man dancers!"

I was going to be nice to this person who just called me, and trust me, he doesn't deserve it, but he's not a customer so I feel the need to share with the rest of the world the most wonderful call I've ever had.

He was trying to get to the e-trade website, and got a popup window for us. And as he admitted to me "I'm not that good with a computer," which I had already guessed, I instructed him how to close a pop-up window. I kid you not. After our pop-up closed, he got hit with about 5 others, and that's when the tin foil helmet popped off his head. Next thing you know he's swearing, screaming and telling me how he's going to write the government. It's going off on how "you bastards have no right to do this" and "I've fuckin' had it." I did my best to not laugh, although it got tougher as the call went on.

At the end, he hung up on me, after threatening me again with some kind of action. I burst out laughing.

So, to my friend in the tin foil helmet in your compound somewhere in the backwoods of whatever state you crazy fuckers live in, thanks. Thanks for making my Friday. I'm still laughing about it.

You rock.

Too damn tired.

As I've previously alluded to, in say, this post and here, I am turning into my father. It's been so rainy here in the city of the big shoulders that I've been waking up at all hours of the night to shut windows, turn off lights, look outside, all the stuff I never thought I'd do as an adult.

I should explain that I'm not complaining about turning into my father. He's a great man who I respect tremendously, but he also wakes up at all hours of the night, shutting windows, checking on stepdaughters, feeding cats, and turning out lights. What I am complaining about is the fact that I barely get enough sleep as it is. Waking up repeatedly during the night isn't helping.

I'm thinking that there's something deeper, so I'm going to start up a good ol' sleep study of myself. See if it's something else.

Purplosity.

A friend of mine just turned me onto this Pseudodictionary website. My new favorite word, which I shall now incorporate into my everyday speech?

purplosity - The measure of an object's or person's degree of being purple.

e.g., The purplosity of Karen's fuzzy slippers was extremely high.

You damn right.

News you can use!

Some nuggets from Fark:

Rumsfeld on death row? It could, theoretically, happen!

And in run for the hills news: David Hasselhoff is launching... well, it sickens me too much to say it. Just read.

It does raise the question as to how many different ways one could sample this.

"All of Canada's going up," said Seth Stein, a Northwestern professor of geological sciences who helped organize the study. "The U.S. is going down."

Taken out of context, this can be funny. In reality, well, Chicago is sinking, and it's still kinda funny(maybe not ha-ha funny). I'm not worried now, not yet. It's like worrying about the sun going supernova. It's got a few billion years left- put food on the table, pay your gas bill.

The debate rages on.

If you haven't already read it, Joey's blog has an entry that deals with multi-racial couples. It's something that's always been on my mind. My stepmother, for instance, is African-American. My father, is, like me, not. I remember when they first started dating, he thought, mistakenly, that I might be shocked by it. I was cool. I was happy. My dad was smitten, after all. I could care less what her racial make-up was. Although I witnessed how much other people can care- and I was disgusted.

Once upon a time, my dad wanted me to meet my then future step-mom and her 3 daughters. We decided to go to Roseville's oldest Mexican restaurant. I walked in first, followed by my three future step-sisters. It was eerie. Almost every table stopped, looked, and then seemed embarrassed by the fact that they did so. I was glad that they felt embarrassed. I was also pissed that it was an issue at all.

I don't get the hangup over inter-racial, inter-faith, and inter-cultural dating. If people are happy, why should I interfere? It's not my business. I've dated women of different religions, where my "hedonism" was a serious issue to the parents, but my friends never said to me "oooh, Dave, you better get away from that (Lutheran/Catholic/Jewish/Pagan/Wiccan) girl!" If they did, I would have replied "look, I'm happy. Be happy that I'm happy. Next round's on you, jackass."

Sorry to get graphic, but it boils down to this for me: this country was founded with the idea of the freedom to persue happiness. A quote:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

That's the Declaration of Independence, folks. That how we got this place started. So, if you are happy dating, marrying, or having sex with a member of the same sex, opposite sex, different race, color, or creed, I say it's protected by the ideals this country was founded. George Bush and John Kerry can't tell me I can't marry another man, a Mexican woman, a Russian woman, a black man, or a Japanese woman, because it is contradictory to the pursuit of happiness.

I understand that there are some restrictions that need to be placed on the pursuit of happiness, for instance, child molestation laws and the like, but that's just common sense, in my eyes. Is it so wrong to believe that race and creed and color shouldn't make a difference, due to common sense? Naive, maybe?

Ok. I've clearly entered into the rambling area of my psyche. More on this if I can more properly collect my thoughts.

Are YOU U of O material?

I am. At least I think I am. They don't really say. They just give you answers. Here's where you find out how you stack up. It takes a minute or two to load, but it's fun, silly, and well, just another way to waste time. Don't say I didn't warn you.

So, what, my dear friends and readers, is U of O? Why, it's the University of Okoboji, on Spirit Lake in Iowa. It sounds exotic when you look at their site, but when you get a map, you realize that's not an island in the logo- it's Spirit Lake.

Anyways, I can get in. Can you?

New developments on the skin care front

One of the stylish racing stripes on the top of my head is peeling.

Sunburn peel. It's so gross.

And itchy.

My f'ing hero, part II

It turns out that the article I refered to in this post is an authentic work, according to Snopes.com, those wonderful researchers of urban legends and the like.

After checking out the In These Times website, there's another article by my favorite author, blasting, yet again, the current administration. It's a conversation between himself and his alter ego, Kilgore Trout.

Hooray for Kurt. Hooray, indeed.

Times they are a changin'

Reading about this senior prank makes me want to relive my senior pranks. Which I completely failed to participate in. If memory serves(and it's starting to fade), we didn't do anything terribly destructive. We painted the parking lot "guardhouse" with polka dots and called it "[nickname of guardhouse worker 1] and [nickname of guardhouse worker 2]'s Playhouse," insinuating that it was a place for a lover's tryst. One of the more notorious tobacco-chewing jocks had saved all his Skoal canisters and slid them down the main hall like hockey pucks. I seem to remember crickets in the library, but that may have been the previous year. On our last day, someone played I'm Free by the Soup Dragons(to this day that song reminds me of that moment) over the PA system.

Although, if we had video announcements, I'm sure we would have attempted something like the porn-tape switch-aroo. What would you expect from a group of friends who thought it was a hilarious idea to sneak into porn theatres with a bottle of Arby's Horsey Sauce and go to work?

Now those were the days!

Learning New Things

Learning New Things

Thanks to some study on my part, I've figured out how to put titles on my entries, instead of just bold-facing what I want the title to be. That should me the "recent entries" section of my blog much more readable.

Just thought you'd like to know, while I pat myself on the back.

Crime doesn't pay, part II:

Here's something a little on the gross side that will make criminials thinks twice. I hope.

Sorry. I had to lighten the mood after that last one.

And before I leave, I want my two dollars.

People scare me.

"When people tell me I was a bad president I say that depents on what their definition of was is."

Well, it seems that I will be voting in November, but only by process of elminiation.

Obviously, I won't be voting for Bush, that goes without saying, but let's show an example of why(again). Enough said.

John Kerry's take(from the article linked to above):

"My position is clear and you've heard it many times in the course of this campaign," the four-term senator from Massachusetts said Friday. "I personally believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. I support extending rights to people that are non-discriminatory, that afford rights under the equal protection clause of the Constitution -- meaning civil union or other rights so that you have non-discriminatory status -- but I believe marriage is between a man and a woman."

Screw you, buddy. The only way, and I mean the ONLY way I would vote for you was if I thought it would help get rid of Bush, which is our top priority. Your position is discriminatory, and I won't stand for it. His is even worse, but not by much. He'll just unify his church and our state.

Sorry to get all political, but that article made me mad.

Post #800!

Huzzah! Bells and whistles! 800 posts! What a silly thing!

I'll fully admit that my previous post was just a filler until I got to number 800. Ok, maybe not completely filler, but definitely not a whole thought-out blog.

But here we are at 800, and I'm reflecting on a post I made way back in August about turning into my father. The same thing happened to me last night. I went to bed at the regular time, having spent my evening trying to relax and doing laundry. When the storms started coming through, I woke up and went around the house closing windows.

Now, because I have too much time on my hands(it's slow around here today) and because I do math just because, here's a tidbit that I just thought of: I have been writing this blog for 362 days, and have 800 posts. That averages to 2.21 posts a day.

Now, aren't you curious as to why you still read this thing? I am.

Anyways, the big Blogiversary is Saturday. What's going to be in the celebration? Nothing, really. I might mention it. Send me a card. Does Yahoo! even make blogiversary cards? They should. I'd send you one.

It has been agreed that today's Chicago Sun Times crossword(note: the link will only work today) was far too easy. I think I finished the whole thing in 3 or 4 minutes. It's just that easy. Try for yourself.

Anyways, because I'm rambling, here's a funny thing about Friday night:

I was meeting my friend D out at the Cumberland stop on the Blue Line because he works in the suburbs and wouldn't have time to pick me up in the city. Right after I finished calling D, I was walking to the pre-arranged pick up area and saw another woman I knew. I couldn't place her name, but I know I knew her(and in retrospect I think I just figured it out). As I'm walking away trying to figure that out, I hear someone behind me say 'Dave.' I ignore it, as there are literally millions of people named Dave in the world, and I'm only one of them. Then I hear 'Dr. StrangeDave.' That's when I turned around. It was my buddy S, an old friend of D, who was getting off at the same stop. We chatted, I invited him to dinner with us before the game, but he had plans. It was just funny that I was out there to meet one friend, ran into another, and we all got talking.

I love it when fate is like that. Makes me laugh.

I wonder what Stan Marsh would say...

About this German couple. I know I've got a couple words for them. They're not kind, that's for sure.

Apparently, they were raised in strict christian families, and had no idea. Now, they're both in sex therapy. Yet again, science bails out the christians.

I'll get off the soapbox now.

They done went and done done it again!

The Yeti and his Pingu friend are back in action. This time it's a little weirder. Still fun, if you enjoy being frustrated and wasting monumental amounts ot time. My best is no where near the top 10, but I'm hoping I'm somewhere on the chart. I'm not holding my breath, but you catch my drift.

It's something to do. I was getting bored with mySpace's games.

Enjoy!

Things to remember...

When you shave your head, your scalp is exposed to all the elements in a way that you're not used to. For instance, forgetting to put on suntan lotion and going biking for 3 hours isn't such a good idea. It makes your head have red stripes of burn. Not to mention your arms and thighs tend to get a little red, too.

So begins the story of my first sunburn of the year. Which means I'll be back to my usual deadly white by about Thursday. Of course, between now and then, I'm going to be wearing a hat in public. And outdoors. And I'm investing in some more sunblock. Lots more.

Lessons learned. I shall heed them.

And then, depression set in...

My boys did not win last night. It was another hard-fought game, two overtimes, but we just couldn't seal the deal, ending our streak of winning championships in even-numbered years. So it goes. The seats were wonderful, rinkside, and just a few seats away from Milwaukee's bench. The officiating was again one-sided, and we weren't playing like we wanted to win. It happens. I'll get over it.

This morning as I was walking back from dropping off my best friend's car, the christians were out patrolling. By that, I mean the Jehova's Witnesses. Having lived about a mile away from the Watchtower headquarters, I am well-versed in dealing with said people. Today, however, I was in absolutely no mood to display my skills. I turned and fled. Mind you, I didn't run, I was(am) far too hungover for it, but I simply crossed the street at appropriate times.

Today was going to be a busy day, but now it seems I've got some spare time. That means there'll be an extra long bike ride followed by getting some laundry done. How exciting!

I dunno what happened.

Those of you who are faster than me may have noticed the previous post was repeated some 8 times. This was due to some server error that Blogger was having, and I, completely ignoring all popular wisdom, decided to post and repost the same thing, getting more and more frustrated each time nothing came up. Turns out they were posted. I apologize to those who may have been caused trauma. I fixed it, though.

Softball was cancelled for tomorrow. This is not so cool, but understandable. It's been raining for 2 days, and the fields will probably be mountains of mud and shit and hypodermic needles and the like. Ok, maybe not the hypodermic needles, but there'll be stuff.

My f'ing hero

I know we've been fooled before by Vonnegut-esque internet circulations, but I think this one might be authentic, and it's definitely something you want to read. A preview:

My government’s got a war on drugs. But get this: The two most widely abused and addictive and destructive of all substances are both perfectly legal.

One, of course, is ethyl alcohol. And President George W. Bush, no less, and by his own admission, was smashed or tiddley-poo or four sheets to the wind a good deal of the time from when he was 16 until he was 41. When he was 41, he says, Jesus appeared to him and made him knock off the sauce, stop gargling nose paint.

Other drunks have seen pink elephants.

And do you know why I think he is so pissed off at Arabs? They invented algebra. Arabs also invented the numbers we use, including a symbol for nothing, which nobody else had ever had before. You think Arabs are dumb? Try doing long division with Roman numerals.

We’re spreading democracy, are we? Same way European explorers brought Christianity to the Indians, what we now call “Native Americans.”

How ungrateful they were! How ungrateful are the people of Baghdad today.

So let’s give another big tax cut to the super-rich. That’ll teach bin Laden a lesson he won’t soon forget. Hail to the Chief.

I try real hard to keep politics out of my life, but you really got to love it when someone puts it down like that.

The latest addiction-

Those of us crazy enough to work this desk have discovered a new toy: Retro Junk. It's got downloads of old commercials, movie trailers, and theme songs from the 80's and 90's. Good stuff. Makes me feel young again.

It has the opposite effect as last night did. I was out too late and got up too soon. I feel victim to that old habit of mine: doing whatever a pretty woman tells me to. I'm like that. It's sad.

Kindred Spirits

One of my few readers left a comment on my blog a couple weeks ago(which in turn, began my membership as one of her readers), wrote this on her blog yesterday, something I can completely relate with. Someday I'm sure we'll sit down somewhere in cyberspace and swap stories.

For instance, just now I had a guy ask me what icons were. This doesn't surprise me that much, as I also had to tell him what the grammatical marking colon was. I've said it once, and I'll say it again- no, I won't. It's getting redundant.

Back to Cowgirl up: yesterday she posted links for the Dante's Inferno Test(which I scored rather poorly on) and then, my personal favorite:



Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

I'll admit my romantic side loves this movie. My high school nickname is a variation of Chicagoan Mandy Patinkin's character. I was even a pretty good fencer back then. Call me a nerd, call me a softie, just remember to call me Indigo.

Me, giddy as a schoolgirl?

Ok, I'm not that happy, but I'm certainly well on my way.

#1) Going to the Wolves game tomorrow. Just bought rinkside seats. RAWK ON!

#2) New Beta Band album coming out 1 June.

So, for the time being, I'm in a good mood.

Hide your daughters.

Start off your morning right!

My co-worker found this wonderful little corner of cyberspace, which has two of my favorite horror movies reenacted in 30 seconds by cartoon bunnies, The Exorcist and The Shining. They're funny, and they're exactly what I needed to get over the idiocy I encountered on my usually pleasant commute.

What happened on my commute to make it so unpleasant, you ask? Well, my nemesis was on the train this morning, yelling at a mother and her child. It's getting damn hard to resist saying something to him. Then there was a guy handing out menus for a new restaurant who didn't realize that there is two way traffic on the Jackson Boulevard bridge. Later on, nearly getting run down by some yuppie with his latte who wasn't watching where he was going as he took off running for his bus.

In a humbling moment, I noticed as I waited for my elevator to come down that I had not buttoned a button on my shirt. I thought that was funny. I'm sure most folks thought I had lost it. I snickered at myself and went about my day.

So it goes.

Ok. One more thing that's making me happy.

As I'm sure you're all aware, I'm a big fan of the Weebls website.

They have a new version of the Kenya toon that was sent in by fans. I will fully admit that the song gets stuck in my head almost whenever I see or hear the word Kenya. I blame them. Be sure, if you're curious to check out the rest of their toons in the link above. They have lots of cool stuff.

Enjoy!

Things that are making me happy, right at this second:

#1) This Tips installment from the Onion.

#2) I've run across a John Kerry club on mySpace. We'll see what develops there.

#3) I've decided that the amount of people using their prom pictures on their mySpace account is so large that I'm going to try to scan in one of mine, provided I can find one.

That's it. Kinda depressing, no?

Bhudda and the Angriest Man in Chicago

My friend J thinks I should start doing Yoga. She thinks that will help. Of course, she just signed up for a class after doing videos & DVD's for a while, so she's all about it. Not to mention I did ask her if it was possible to learn meditation techniques without actually learning the Bhuddist way. I'm proud of my lack of religon, and would never convert to anything for any reason. I'm stubborn that way. The point is(as we go full circle) that I need a way to keep these idiots off my back. I don't want to go as far as Office Space, but I'd like a happy medium where I don't get ticked off at the drop of a hat.

Case in point: a call to my cell phone.

My school just called my phone to talk about some administrative stuff. I was annoyed. I am aware of things that are going on, and I will take care of them when I'm not busy, which is not in the middle of the day while I'm at work. Halfway through the call he tells me that the number they have is wrong. I ask what number they have, and it's the one that I had more than 2 years ago. I say to the poor, unfortunate work-study student "which part of the bureaucracy fucked that up? I haven't lived at that number for more than 2 years." He had no answer. I decided not to rail him on it, as he's not at fault. He's just a cog in a broken wheel with a flat tire and a split axle. I'm still pissy, though. I need to find an outlet for stress that's appropriate. In high school, I had fencing(there's nothing like stabbing a person repeatedly to release stress) and sex. In college, there was drinking and sex. Now, well, it's the same, except that I can't do those at work. I can't fence here, either, but you can see where I'm going.

Maybe it's another part of the whole age equation- I'm slowing turning into that retired grump that I'm genetically predisposed to be. Perhaps I'm just bitter. It could be anything.

I am, however, accepting suggestions.

I bit the bullet.

I decided to take on some of the new changes at Blogger.com with gusto. I put up a new template, which probably deleted all your old comments. I apologize if you said something witty or memorable and it's now gone.

I just had to try something new.

Feeling so productive!

I have my english homework finished. Makes me wonder why I don't do it right after class, but hey, if you're the king of procrastination, you might as well reign.

Now, if I could just get off my ass and get to the damn grocery store, I could have food here at work. That would be nice. That way I could stop spending money on the muffins sold at the little shop in my el stop. They're good and all, but I'd rather just have my granola bars. They're good and good for me.

Encino Man, watch for my arrival.

You know who you are. You have been the bane of my existence at this company, and you have finally broken the camel's back, as it were. I have been more than patient, taking you through even the most pedantic of computer functions(remember the time it took me 30 minutes to explain resizing a window?), even taking your complaints with grace and a professional attitude.

Your treatment of me today goes beyond anything that is excusable. Insulting me is the wrong way to go. You may find in the future that if you call and I answer, that you are on hold for remarkably long periods of time, after I explain to you in plain, simple words how I refuse to help you due to your vicious, vapid nature, and ultimately, because I don't like you.

Enough is enough, as the saying goes. Good luck when we upgrade the software in 3 weeks.

Go fuck a tree, ass-muncher.

Sorry to waste your time.

I had something to say, but then I lost it.

More later, if I can keep it in my head.

I fail to see the humor in being ignorant.

Don't get me wrong. I will laugh at my own mistakes, but generally when I make them, they're not gross misconducts of idiocy, they're gross misconducts of judgement. So, when I have people call me and be ignorant and stupid, then think it's funny that when I say hyphen, then dash, and they describe it as "straight line" I get upset.

Maybe my skin is a little thin today. Maybe my patience is worn. Maybe I need a nap, some nookie, and a nice bottle of merlot. Not necessarily in that order.

It's 10 o'clock. Do you know where my sense of humor is?

Me neither.

Post #781

I'm not so sure that I like the new "Dashboard" as they call it. But that's secondary. I just felt the need to comment on it.

The game last night was a disappointment. It seemed that the wind came out of the Wolves' sails when they realized that the referees were just not going to call anything. My friend watched the game on Saturday, and told me that the Admirals went 1 for 18 on the power play. That means that there were 18 penalties against my Wolves? How does that kind of game get by? I guess I don't get it. Last night's game wasn't that different, except we didn't have nearly as many penalties. This has the very bad effect of making every game a must-win for the Wolves, and they've got two on the road.

I will be attending Friday night's game if they win on Wednesday in Milwaukee.

Post 780?

It seems my account has gone crazy. I jumped up some 50 entries. I'm guessing that those mysteriously absent August entries have managed to reload. I'll check on that. Nope. That didn't happen. Oh well.

I was going to title this entry "Blue Skies" after my newly improved mood. It's due largely in part to the fact that I'm going to the Wolves game tonight(game time is 7pm) and that I'm playing softball on Saturday. These things make me happy.

So, I'm going to try to preserve this mood for my remaining 11 minutes of work.

Smiles!

What the hell is wrong with you?

I want to scream at customers today.

I want to know what the hell is wrong with them.

That is all.

Post #723

Blogger.com up and changed on me over the weekend. It'll take me a while to get used to this new setup, but I'll get there. One additional feature is that I now can tell you how many posts I have completed. This being #723, as previously indicated.

This weekend, I actually had a good reason to not blog: I was away from technology. It was a nice weekend to be in that situation. Let's talk about my weekend, starting with the biggests stumbling block, Friday.

On Friday night I had a quiz in my Java class, which I breezed through(I'm a very good test taker) and managed to get to Ginger's to have dinner with friends before we attended a birthday party. I was sitting there with my friend J at the big front table, which is the only table which comfortably seats more than 4 in the front room. In walked this guy with three friends, and was halfway into a seat at this table when he then thought to ask if I was saving those seats.

Now I'll fully admit that from time to time, I can get flustered and lose my usual rapier-like wit. It happens usually when I'm either dumbfounded by people's idiocy(frequent) or when someone is so unbelieveably rude. My response to his seat-saving quiery was evidently without wit: "um, yeah." He proceeded to sit down anyway, asking how many more and saying that we'd be fine.

I was slightly, if not very, taken aback and pissed. I continued to scowl at him and be generally unneighborly while I waited for my other friends. They were late. And then they were later. And I called, and they were "on their way" and then I called again, saying to bring more people. Then asshole's party of 4 turned into 6. Then, after my food had arrived, my friends finally showed up. I told them to get a different table, finished my dinner, and left in a huff. We spent the rest of the night calling those in our usurped table assholes, and cursing their names. Openly. I'm surprised there wasn't a fight.

The only reason I wasn't completely pissed is that I figured out a place in Chicago to do our Midwest version of PacManhattan. Details on that when I get them all worked out.

Now, Saturday. My mission was to drive out to my aunt's house in my hometown(allow me to say that I'm impressed there's a link, it doesn't make it onto most maps), where I was to surprise my grandmother for Mother's Day(as well as the rest of my family, only my aunt, uncle and I knew I was going to be there). We had a barbeque, a bonfire, and yes, Bocce ball. It was fun. My roommate came with me, and was at his more serene. Sunday, I woke up at my grandparents' house, and went to do some "hill training" as I call it. We have no hills in Chicago. It's the truth. I started out heading west, down the hill from their house, when I got to the bottom I was almost run over by a terrified deer. I'm not exagerating, either. I'm talking inches away. It took a fair amount of wind out of my sails, to say the least, so when I got to the top of the next hill, I took a minute to re-evaluate the situation. I decided to move on, and went down to the creek and up the next(very, very steep) hill. About 3/4 the way up, my chain came off. I grumbled, walked up the rest of the hill, and put it back on. Feeling thoroughly discouraged, I was running out of patience. I did, however, mush on a couple miles, stopped at a cemetery to check out my chain(and the older tombstones) and turned around to head back. It was fun. I enjoyed myself, and even got to mow my grandparents' lawn. Don't think that's impressive? It's about the size of a football field. I was on a tractor. Pictures, as soon as I can get them. It's cool.

That's my weekend. Hope y'all's was good, too.

Knowing the future.

I'm not accustomed to it. I never know what I'm doing until I'm doing it, usually. It's that fly-by-the-seat-of-my-burning-pants type lifestyle that I enjoy so much as a single, urban 30-year old in the big city of Chicondo(note: I am not a metrosexual- not by a long shot).

However, since December, I've known that the weekend of June 26-27 would be taken up with my MS Ride. Recently, I acquired Pixies tickets- the show is the 14th of November. Now, thanks to the City of Chicondo, I know what I'm doing every Tuesday for 4 weeks, starting on 20th July. I'll be downtown, watching movies on a huge drive-in theatre style screen, sitting on a blanket, hopefully with a woman to woo, drinking wine and eating fine cheese.

There's only one thing to do at a time like this....




























STRUT!

A pox on your trade desk!

For some insane reason, in the last 2 days I have taken at least a dozen calls for one of our trade desks. All for one, and it's only me who gets these calls. It's people who are trying to place an order, but get confused and call us.

While I'm happy it takes me out of the cueue for the next call, at the same time I'm superfly TNT when it comes to answering dumbass questions repeatedly.

Talk amongst yourselves.

Friday Five

It is no more. I received word this morning. Those in charge are no longer participating.

This is sad, although I can't say I'm shocked. It's been two or three months it seems since we had a new one. I enjoyed answering the questions and I will miss doing so.

In other news, I'm at work early because the regular early guy has the day off today. I get to sit here and listen to the phones not ring. It isn't that bad. Although I see that it is raining outside now, which means I would be getting terribly wet if I were just leaving the house to come to work.

Fortune, my friends, truly favors the foolish.

New life goal.

I can't take credit for the originality of this- but I will immediately adopt it:

I want to have a kid, and I'm going to try to time it so his/her birthday will be June 6, 2006. If it's a girl, she will be named Lucy.

So, again, now taking applications for female life partner. See here for info.

Yesterday: Cinco de mayo, Today: Dia del asshole.
En Espanol:
Ayer: Cinco de mayo, Hoy: Dia del asshole.

It's been offically declared asshole day in Tech Support. Not by me, but by my boss. Not a good day to work here, frankly. We're all a little pissy, and the callers are being, as stated, assholes.

I am more than ready to use my five-finger exploding heart technique today.

My commute

I love the half mile that I walk from the train to my office. There's so much going on that it's a rather stimulating experience. What I'm particularly enjoying lately is the people. There's the guy in the US Marine Corps hat- he's probably in his 50s or early 60s, who I use as a guide to know how early or late I am. There's the couple who's always holding hands as they walk- cute, but sometimes a little too cute for that early in the morning. There's the absurdly thin woman who smiles at me everyday, who I always wonder how old she is, simply because she looks so young. She's probably my age is the funny thing. Then, there's the woman I'm secretly in love with. She's probably in her mid-40s or so, but I don't see her like that. I see her as she was about 15 years ago, when she was my age. That's why I'm secretly in love with her- because she is so pretty in my mind. It could also be that she always seems to have a "I'm divorced and bitter about it" air around her. Perhaps I'm attracted to cynical people. Someone should look into that. Not me, though. I'm too busy.

My new favorite thing:

PacManhattan. I'm completely swept up in the idea, it's almost absurd. I have a friend who is going to NYC this weekend. I have requested that she investigate. Sadly, I haven't been back since I lived there, almost 5 years now. I should go. I could use a weekend of stomping around the old stomping grounds.

Plans are being discussed to bring about the same thing in chicago: I'm thinking of doing Q*bert on the steps of Union Station, or inventing a version of Joust done on mountain bikes. Frogger on Lake Shore Drive would be fun, but it's also incredibly dangerous, so that'll probably get nixed. Although Lakefront Bike Trail Pole Position sounds like fun.

The possibilites are, as they say, endless. So, whether fortunate or not, is my imagination.

More later.

Beautiful Day.

It is. The sun is out, the sky is nice, the winds are strong, but will be at my back for my ride home.

What else could I ask for? Plenty, but we'll get into that when we need to.

Get out and enjoy, Chicondo!

Beautiful Day?

I've heard it's outstanding out today, here in Chicondo. I haven't checked. I've been inside since 7.

I'll tell you one thing I am looking forward to- getting on my bike to go to class tonight. Especially if it's as nice as they say it is. Maybe I'll give the new bike computer a chance to actually work, too. Thus far, the in-apartment tests have shown that it is a piece of shit, but I'm not willing to let that rest.

More on that later.

The end of Friends and Frasier

I will admit that I have watched both shows at one point or another. But usually it was because I had lost the remote, or my SO/roommate/crazed neighbor with the same remote frequency had it on.

My friend is throwing a party on Thursday to watch it. I'm considering going after I get out of class. Mostly for the food, though. Not for the show.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a shit.

Ten years ago, Part II:

I thought of something this morning as I was getting ready for work: the man I was 10 years ago would never have suspected that I would shave my head- not in a million years. Back then my long locks were frequently dyed some other color, and rather long. Haircuts were infrequent. He also would completely deny the idea that I wake up at 5:15 in the morning to get ready for work. Back then, I rarely if ever made it to most 9 am classes. Even getting to work at 9 on weekends was hellacious. I guess I have changed in that respect- I don't mind mornings. I used to hate them- so much so that I spent my junior and senior year never having a class before 11- unless you include my sleep labs, where we got out at 7am.

A customer who I just helped, and who barely took the time to listen to me at all [read: called me Dan] called back a couple minutes later and called me a wise-guy and said I was sarcastic. Why? Because he didn't listen to me when I said "you'll have to log onto the website, then you can download the program from Trading Tools- Lind Express." Of course, what kind of idiocy do you expect from someone who "accidentally" deletes their trading platform?

I can see today turning out to be a whole lot like yesterday.

Who's talking about me?

My ears have been burning for almost an hour!

Who is it? Show yourselves!

Why I love the Redhead.

She's one of my all-time favorite people. She's also a much better writer than I am, which makes me happy that I read her blog. Today includes a reflective entry about where she thought she'd be in 10 years. As she frequently does, she inspired my thoughts to turn to the same subject, and it's something I haven't thought about in well, 10 years.

10 years ago, my life was in turmoil. My parents were splitting up. I was flunking classes, I was in counseling, I was a general mess, I lost my job as RA. The only things that seemed to be going right was my job at Kaplan and the fact that I was very much in love with my girlfriend. My life perspective was rather good, though- I wanted to get married and have kids. I wanted to get my career as a translator going, and was taking 3 languages and linguistics classes up the wazoo. I had goals and the drive to get there. Life had a roadmap, and I knew where I was.

So, I imagine you're wondering, as I often do, what the hell happened?

Who knows. I have no regrets, that's for sure- at least not about that time. I made decisions and I've stuck by them. I am not a translator. As a matter of fact, my experience in counseling and my parents divorce led me to pursue a psychology degree in counseling. My dad thought that I had a knack for it, after talking him and my mother through their divorce. That goal went unrealized as well, as I decided that sleep and dream research would be more fun, until I dropped out of college when I was 22. Kaplan eventually wore me down to a bitter, cyncial worker bee, and I wound up quitting after working there almost 10 years. I have yet to get married or have any children. I have yet to complete my bachelor's degree.

I'm not complaining. I had fun, got in a lot of trouble, got out of it, and got back in to some more. I'm good at that. I've seen the country, lived in fun places and discovered great friends. I've found love and heartache. It's all good.

Would the 20-year-old me like the 30-year-old me? I'm sure once I started telling stories of what was to come he would. After all, I've done some crazy ass shit, and sometimes it's really damn funny.

No more reflecting, for the rest of the day.

Promise.

How angry I can be.

I've mellowed out a bit since my earlier bitch-session. Not enough, though.

It seems to me that everyone's having a bad day today, and I think that's horrible. Out of the 4 of us here, three have talked with the customer from hell.

Oh well. Lunch has been served, eaten and life is turning around. Why? Because I said so.

I got an e-mail from one of the artists who drew on me on Saturday. She asked me how I felt on Sunday. My two word response: not well.

Today's tie is my periodic table tie. It features the middle of the periodic table. I get a kick out of it. I'm a geek.

I'm rambling. Again. Someone should look into that.

Weekend Blogging

I haven't been doing it lately. I don't know why. I can't explain. Maybe one of these days I'll start wanting to see my computer on over the weekend.

It's May, everyone, and my blogiversary is coming up. What am I planning for this momentus occasion? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. I think that's for the best.

So, what did I do this weekend? Let's see... Friday, I watched the Magdalene Sisters with a friend after having dinner with my best friend. Then it was drinks with the roommate and a couple of his co-workers. Not bad. Saturday, I went for a short, ill-advised bike ride, stopped at the library and saw Kill Bill Vol 2. After that, it was party time at my friends' house, a beautiful condo that I fell in love with. It was also draw-on-Dave night, so I woke up with some interesting drawrings on my arms, hands, and thigh. Sunday was a wasted day- I slept. I must have been hella tired, because I didn't wake up at all. I went for a bike ride, stopped and picked up a new helmet and bike computer, and went to pub quiz. Not all that exciting, I guess.

So, I just got off the phone of my longest call to date. I'm really pissed off, and the customer was just a moron who really shouldn't be doing online trading. He will undoubtedly lose money, and make incorrect trades. There is little doubt in my mind.

I need a drink.